Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Fears, dreams, positivity

What you are about to read is a stream of consciousness that I wrote down whilst  in New York a couple months back. I wrote it down journal-style, with no intention of sharing it with anyone, however I came across it (having completely forgotten about the following ramble) and found it quite interesting; so here is a whole load of deep, unedited, unapologetically-shona thoughts..

"Daddy, what's your biggest fear?"
"I don't have one!"
"You mean.. You have no fears? You're not scared of anything? Not even if you saw a vampire!?" 

A conversation between a little boy and his dad who were sitting in the seats in front of me on the plane ride to New York had me in awe of how raw and unapologetically honest the words that come out of the mouths of little kids are. To have a 'fear', for anyone beyond the age of 12 - and I'm not talking about spiders or escalators - is almost seen as something we should be ashamed of. Everyone covers up their fears, I mean.. Take men for instance; when was the last time you heard a strong, dominant *insert all other stereotypical male features* man, talk of his fear? Ok so occasionally you may be told or 'I have a fear that my football team will be relegated this season'. But, really - how often is it that you hear a man - or anyone for that matter of fact - say out loud their deepest fears, those that are so deeply-rooted in them, that they're so terrified of even allowing themselves to think about the subject matter, nor about allow it to reach the tip of their tounge. 

I suppose there's two reasons behind this; why we, as a generation, feel utterly forbidden of saying our fears out loud: 1) shame. Shame that actually you're sensitive, you're not as strong as you make out to be and that there are definite things in life that could tear you down. Shame that... You're human? And 2) saying things out loud makes them real. Because, by allowing someone else to hear what you're deeply afraid of makes you both vulnerable and exposed. And I suppose that this exposure, of your raw, true self, is what holds everyone back. Because now, that fear, that secret, that shame, is with someone else and they can do anything with that. Mock you, ridicule you, tell everyone - oh god, how could it be that you're just like everyone else! How could it be that in fact you're human! You know what I say? Let them tell people. Let them spread the word that there's one less robot in this world. A robot who only smiles, takes perfect selfies and has a entirely balanced, happy life. I mean, that makes up the majority of us, right? Apart from those few on the sidelines, whose identity is made up of their faults and wrong-doings, we are all 100% content individuals. Well, according to the world and that of social media, that is. 

Log on to instagram, what do we see? Oh another photo of a beautiful girl standing long and lean on the beach; her skin glistening under the sun and her laugh lighting up the photo, making us 'normal' folk entirely jealous of this life that is so out of our reach, one we'd only dream of having. Yeah, we talk about this seemingly perfect life of this girl - who we know nothing about, except that fact she looked pretty good, one day, standing on a beach, somewhere - but we would no way declare it to be something achievable for 'us'. You know what I say? For gods sake why can't that be us? What in the world makes you, me, us unworthy of this life that we only dare dream ourselves of having? You do realise that in order for us to achieve, or even come close to this idea of happiness, you actually need to do something? And by this I mean no more accepting the life you're living right now. No more sitting around, sulking, spitting out the oh-so-overused phrase 'I hate my life'. Instead be proactive; what is it that you want? What is it that, when you think, see, hear, dream about it, you find yourself with a huge smile stretched across your face, so much so that you can't help but share this amazing idea with anyone who will listen. 

For me, this has always been travelling; the idea of roaming foreign places with no limits, soaking in the culture and, in my mind, being so happy and out of touch from a previous, unhappy life that no one, nor thing, could hold the ability to bring you back down once more. But more recentely, I've become passionate about an entire spectrum of things. Endless ideas, things, places, moments, people, fill that hole inside of me - the one that we all have,  that allows us to go through life dissatisfied, as if our entire life is one big false climax. To name a few; bonfires on the beach, cycling to a fresh fruit & veg market, making someone smile, making my parents proud, the closing encore song at a concert, cobbled European streets lined with family-run cafés, cantering a horse through spring green fields. (Ok so the latter, I have never done, but hey, in the theme of this ramble, a girl can dream). Irrelevant though, of what you have or haven't yet done, of what things are physical or just mere concepts - the fact is dream and make things happen. I don't believe in this idea of only a minority of society being able to live a happy, (#noregrets), life. 

What I do believe in however, is the power of positive thinking. Now before you roll your eyes and stop reading, think about it. The power of positive thinking. The power that you, I, and every one of us hold which is to change our thoughts and mold our thought pattern so that instead of 'oh it's Monday. Another long, mundane and incredibly uneventful week in my life', it's 'oh it's Monday. This week I am going to learn a new recipe, complete the long-overdue assignment, meet up with an old friend for coffee and spend the cold, winter nights tucked up on the sofa in front of my favourite trash tv, snuggled under a duvet, and an obligatory cuppa in hand'. By merely changing your thought, something so many of us deny the capability of, yet an action 100% achievable, you are forcing yourself to be positive. And positivity, I believe, is the key to a happy life. 

In my eyes, with a positive mindset you can face anything. Because a job rejection, a failed grade, a nasty comment - none of these things will bring you down. Because with a positive mind, you can say, it's okay, that's just something that happens but, you know what? there's so much more to  life than these small downfalls, so rather than dwelling on them and making myself even more sad (something we can all put our hand up and say we have done too many times), I'm going to 1) accept it happened and it cannot be changed 2) move on, looking to better and brighter things. 

Fears, dreams, mindsets. They go hand in hand together. Although I  have gone way off my initial topic, my point is that for gods sake, in a world where everyone tries so desperately hard to be someone else or hide who they truly are. Just be you! Just. Be. You. It's okay to feel crap. Just as it's okay to feel like you're on top of the world. The only thing that's not okay is to accept a dissatisfactory reality. And that, I must note, is something no one can help you with. For it is entirely in your hands how you approach life. If I were you though, I'd take whatever comes my way and just embrace it. Life's too short to sit around, be unhappy and complain. Get up, smile and go live.


  1. This is so refreshing to read. I do sometimes get so sick of people complaining that life has dealt them a bad hand or that they're dissatisfied with their life when it really is in your hands what happens. Understandably there can be set backs but ultimately you're the only one that can decide what you do and where you go. Thanks for a lovely post- definitely made me excited to go out in the world and do something exciting!